(no subject)

[notworthallthis]

PSL with beyourzoomer
Word association: Guilt
2. I need advice on ways to politely say "fuck you on your way to hell."

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[beyourzoomer]

Depended on his mood. [She paused, exhaling.] He liked to yell. And break my things if I pissed him off. Sometimes he'd drive too fast to scare me. Or -- pretend like he was going to run people over, run them off the road. [She grew quiet for a long moment.] Sometimes it was worse. He went after this guy I liked -- and when another friend intervened, he beat the hell out of him. Almost killed him.

[Her relationship with Billy had been complicated until that night, never knowing what might set him off and cause him to fly into a rage. When she'd ended up threatening him with a nail bat to his balls, though, he'd kept a healthy respect for her after that, mostly.]

But...he cooled down a bit after that. Not that he wasn't still an asshole -- but he didn't really mess with me or my friends anymore. [Until he'd gotten possessed by the Mind Flayer, of course. But that hadn't been Billy at all.]

But...yeah. You're right. [Her voice is hushed. Hurt people hurt people had been Billy in a nutshell.]

[notworthallthis]

[There's a softly muttered, 'Jesus Christ' under his breath as she explains it. Almost textbook abuse, really. And more than he would have expected for her to hand him, but maybe once she started, it was just easier to keep going. Maybe it's because she doesn't know him it's easier to talk to him.]

That's one helluva a household you're coming from. [Abusive step-dad, abusive step-brother, negligent mother... It's way more than one kid should have to be dealing with.]

[beyourzoomer]

[It's the most she's talked about Billy with anyone, really. She tended to bottle things up and keep quiet. Maybe it really is easier to talk to someone she doesn't know very well. The soft Jesus Christ, though, makes her tear up for some stupid reason. She holds her breath for a moment, blinking a few times to try and hold them back instead of letting them fall.]

Yeah. Still sure you want to be part of the family?

[There's no bite to her tone, just...flatness. Because she won't blame him if he decides that nope, this life is not for him. She's not sure this life is for her most of the time anymore.]

[notworthallthis]

[Bucky can tell she's trying not to cry, but he pretends not to notice, eyes focused on the road in front of him.

When she speaks, he does glance back over at her, manages a small smile.]

Every family has its problems, some just have more or bigger ones than others.

[beyourzoomer]

[She appreciates that he doesn't call her out on the tears. But she raises her eyebrows when he says that.]

Well. We definitely weren't the Brady Bunch, that's for sure.

[notworthallthis]

I don't think anyone's family is like that. [He snorts softly.]

[beyourzoomer]

Oh, I don't know. I have a friend whose family that's pretty close. Only two kids though, not six.

[notworthallthis]

Yeah? [He smirks slightly. At least she’s talking again.] Well, they’re one in a million, then, maybe.

[beyourzoomer]

Yeah, maybe. [She considers for a long moment, then glances at him sideways.]

What was it like? For you, I mean. Growing up.

[notworthallthis]

I was the oldest of four, and we moved a lot cause our Dad was in the Army.

[Packing everything up to head to another base on the whim of the government was… not the best way to live, but Bucky had borderline idolized his dad back then. He wanted to be just like him.]

He died in an accident during a training exercise… mom didn’t last long after losing him, either. My siblings went with family, and Sarah Rogers kinda unofficially adopted me.