notworthallthis

From:

The nudge is met with… nothing. No shift in weight, no quiet mumble, just silence. Just stillness.

“Sam?” Bucky can hear his own voice pitch in panic, “Sam, come on,” he shakes him a little rougher but there is no response. Just the heavy weight of another death on his hands.

And everyone will tell him it’s not his fault. The same way they’ve all said every death he’d caused as The Winter Soldier wasn’t his fault. But he knows the truth, he knows that it was his finger behind the trigger every time. And he knows he was completely useless in saving Sam.

Why does someone like him with a river of blood between his hands get to live, while someone like Sam, who only wants to do the right thing, who is practically sunshine personified, dies. Locked in a freezer. It just isn’t fair.

He doesn’t even know when he shifted to his knees, body curled over Sam’s. Bucky’s fingers curl into the jacket he’d put around him and he presses his forehead against his friend’s chest.

It just. isn’t. fair.

Bucky will survive this, wherever Steve and Natasha are, they’ll come and he’ll be alive. But he won’t be okay, not for a long while.