notworthallthis

Now that's a better word.

[He misses this. This back-and-forth of the two of them. Once his memories were... intact... it was easy with Steve. Comfortable. Like a well-worn glove.]

Clearly. Pirates who don't do anything. If only there was some place for you to find a shovel.

Edited 2022-10-31 00:43 (UTC)

Now it's your turn to pick a word.

[ He's missed it too. Getting to have Bucky be comfortable around him again is better than any buried treasure he could imagine. ]

Well they sail around, wave flags, blast canons at each other. It's all for show.
Not many shovel shops in the Indian Ocean, if you can believe it.

Absorbed. Involved. Engrossed. I can keep going, if you want. Sham pirates. A mockery to the name of all pirates everywhere. Well, that's just a shame.

I meant about how you're doing, you jerk.

Hey, more treasure for me, if I ever find that shovel.

You miss me. I’m… I don’t know.

[It’s a couple minutes before he settles on the words to use.]

Healing. Processing. Adjusting. When it hits, it’s bad… and I don’t think it’ll ever stop, Steve…

Like there’s no tomorrow, pal.

All good things.

You can't think like that, Buck. I can't tell you that it'll stop, but that doesn't mean it'll always feel as bad as it does now. If anyone can help stop it for good, it's T'Challa and that genius sister of his. So you just take it easy and let them help you, alright?

That text makes something warm and bright flood through his chest. Somehow, despite everything, Steve refuses to give up on him, and some days that is the only thing that gets him through.

He doesn’t bother texting him back, instead he presses the call button and listens to the phone ring.

Seeing as he'd just had his smartphone in his hands to send the text, he answers after the first ring.

"Hey. Give me a minute." He heads to the back of the Quinjet for some degree of privacy; Natasha's kind enough to pretend to be engaged at the controls even though it's on autopilot.

"Felt the need to argue with me over the phone, huh?" Testing the waters to see if Bucky's still in the teasing mood after his last text.

"Just nice to hear your voice sometimes," it's a soft, quiet admission, but there is no hesitation in it.

He considers his next words carefully, easing back in the chair he's sat in. "When... when can I see you again? We're about due for a visit, don't you think?"

"It's good to hear you too, Buck." His voice sounds just as soft and sincere.

He leans on an arm against the back wall, staring at the floor. It's a good thing Bucky can't see his face right now, he's not sure he wants to be responsible for what it's doing. He has half a mind to turn this thing around right now, but he needs to be sure about this. "...I thought you wanted some time to yourself."

“I know,” he hums a soft, noncommittal sound in his throat. He continues in the same soft, careful tone, “but it’d be good to see you.”

He misses Steve in a way he cannot put into words, so much as it is simply a feeling, burrowed deep beneath his skin, filling in the hollow spaces between his bones.

“You don’t have to stay…” he says it like an offer, an easy way out if he wants to take it. “just come by for a little while…?” He could. Bucky knows it would be relatively easy, borderline effortless, for Steve to change course and come for him.

He adds, even quieter than before, “if you’re not too busy.” because he knows that Steve has other things to focus on. Bigger issues than catering to the chaotic whims of an old friend. “I understand if it’s… not feasible right now.”

He's not sure what to make of all these quiet little bids for his attention, or the fact that Bucky somehow thinks that he would even want an easy way out when he's never taken the easy way out in his entire life, when all he's wanted this whole time since Bucky's been uncovered is a way in--all he knows for sure is that it's tearing him apart. Now he needs to see Bucky.

"Bucky--" It comes out a croak. He has to clear his throat, get a grip, but he needs to say this because apparently Bucky doesn't already know that he would drop everything for him. "If you want me there, I'll be there. All you have to do is say the word and I'll be there. For as long as you want. For as long as you'll let me."

He taps on a pipe to get Natasha's attention, looking the question at her with nothing more than the tilt of his head and a plea in his tired eyes. She nods with a roll of her own tired eyes, punching in the coordinates to head back. They could all use a break.

"We'd just finished making a couple of pirates walk the plank, so we're good to head back now. Should only take a couple of hours."

The emotion in Steve's voice is thick and cloying, and it's everything to Bucky at this moment. He closes his eyes and lets out a slow and deep, silent breath. "I do... I want you here." He needs him, is more like it, but that sounds pathetic and needy and desperate, so he keeps it to himself.

"Okay," a smile touches his lips, and he wonders if Steve can hear it in his voice. "then I'll see you soon."

Bucky is good at waiting, but that doesn't mean he likes to do it. He manages anyway, keeping himself busy with idle distractions, trying his hardest to keep his eyes off the door, like he might will Steve walking through it sooner if he does.

It's enough just to hear Bucky give the word.

He can almost picture Bucky smiling. Almost. Soon he'll be able to see it for himself--his own lips curve at the thought. "See you soon," he intones softly before hanging up.

True to his word, only a couple of hours go by before they're landing near the heart of the city, much to the bemusement of the same guards that had seen them off. Natasha takes point before he can, waving him off and going over to converse with the guards, so he wastes no time setting out for the farmland where Bucky lives.

One of these days he'll stop to appreciate the beauty of this place, but not today.

He's sure Bucky can hear his approach but he still stops to knock on the doorframe of the hut. Even with a written invitation, he wants to respect Bucky's personal space. "Bucky? It's me," he calls out, wondering if maybe Bucky was out in the field this time of the day...

Steve isn't left waiting long before Bucky appears, a small smile on his face. "Hey..." he practically breathes the greeting out. "Come in," he steps aside to allow Steve room to press further inside.

Suddenly, Bucky can't help feeling... a little overwhelmed and awkward in equal measure as he stands here staring at his best friend in the hut he'd been calling home. Had he really just asked for Steve to drop everything to come see him because he was lonely? That was crazy, right?

"Thanks for... for coming," he says with a soft huff of a thing. "Make yourself at home," he offers, gesturing around the room.

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